Epic Failure

Yes, my blogging efforts have been failing horribly.  I seriously have all intentions to sit down and write, when something comes up, be in school work and tons of papers, Easton needing something, skyping with J, and multiple other things, blogging just takes a back seat.  I am two pages away from finishing my last paper of the semester, so I am hoping by tomorrow I will be done and thus can contribute a small portion of nap time to blogging.  But let's catch up on the last several weeks, shall we? 
We have now got three months down in the books, YAY!!  Time is actually starting to go by...finally, now, our next big milestone will be our halfway mark! 
Looking back, April seems to be a blur.  April, we celebrated Easton's first Easter!  It was a great day spent with family and most importantly remembering the true meaning of the holiday.  That morning we went to church before heading up to see both sets of my grandparents.  It was the first time any family (other than my parents and brother) had seen Easton walk, so of course he was the CENTER of attention!  He's a ham, so he loved it that way :) 
April brought a lot of first for us.  Easter was our first big holiday we celebrated without Josh.  It's hard, I don't think I will ever enjoy a holiday that he isn't here for.  Luckily, as time is ticking down, we have fewer holidays and events that he will be missing.  This next two week period is one I have been dreading the whole deployment.  Saturday, we will be celebrating Easton's first birthday, Sunday, we will be celebrating Mother's Day, and the following Friday, will be mine and Josh's two year anniversary.  Let's just say....there have been plenty of tears.
But, instead of focusing on the negatives, let's focus on the positives that have come from this deployment.
Well, first and foremost, we have been able to save a TON of money!  Deployment pay is AMAZING....granted, they earn every penny with what they have to deal with over there, but still, we are so happy to have such a wonderful opportunity to save while he is gone.  While we are planning on keeping the majority of it in savings, I told J that since he will have worked so hard to earn it, that he deserved to take some and spend it anyway he wanted.....needless to say, he wanted to spend it on getting us a new KING size bed so he isn't getting pushed to the edge every night!  (a small vacation might be in the works, too :)....)
We have also been able to talk a lot more than expected!  This is one I am so thankful for.  One, it has helped to keep me sane!  Josh is not only my husband, but he is my best friend and we talk about everything....I was dreading him going because there is not really anyone else I open up to like him.  There has not been a period of more than 48 hours that we haven't been able to talk.  It is also great because it lets me know he is safe, too!
Well, Easton's asleep (thankfully, considering he got up at 4 this morning) so I think I'm going to go curl up in bed and indulge in some Netflix and talk to my sweet husband.  But I AM going to get back to blogging, I promise!  Better updates, with pictures, to come :)  Have a wonderful night, everyone!

Saying Goodbye

J and East the night he left

Saying goodbye is never easy.  Whether it is for a night, a week, a month, a year...goodbyes are all the same, and in my eyes, they're never fun or ever easy.  This past October, J and his battalion conducted their field exercises in preparation for this deployment.  They were scheduled to be gone 2-3 plus weeks depending on how quickly they passed all their "tests" out there.  I remember taking him to base that Sunday morning at 3am and crying the whole way home because I didn't want him to be gone 2-3 weeks!!  Luckily he was only gone 13 days, but when he got home, you would have thought he had been gone an entire deployment! 

When we were preparing for this deployment, I really didn't know how this particular night was going to go.  A couple of our close friends in Gulfport offered to go with us, more or less to offer support for me.  They offered to drive me back after J left and just be there and provide a shoulder for me to cry on.  I debated their offers and while I thought at times I might need that and want that there, I decided that this was something I needed to do by myself.  When we took Josh to base to drop him off, it needed to be just me, Josh, and Easton.  As hard as it was, that was the right decision.

This is a night I remember like it was yesterday.  We left Heather and Ryan's house around 10:40, as J was required to be at base around midnight.  Heather and Ryan lived about 30 minutes from base, and we wanted to allot enough time for J to get his stuff (all 20,000 bags they had to take) unpacked and loaded onto the trucks and then some time for us to say goodbye.  The drive to base seemed like it toke forever.  It was such a strange feeling.  Time seemed to be going so slow and so fast at the same time.  Easton screamed the almost the whole way which probably made it seem even longer.  Luckily, he finally gave out, and the rest of the ride, Josh and I simply held hands.  We didn't speak much.  We just sat there.  We finally made it to base, he got all of his bags out of the car, tagged and loaded on the truck and came back to the car.  Luckily, we got about 15 minutes together before he would finally have to leave.  I don't remember much of what we said in those 15 minutes.  I remember a lot of "I love yous," "I'll miss you more than you'll ever knows," and "Stay safes" were exchanged, but those 15 minutes were the fastest in my life.  I wanted them to last forever.  I wanted him to just put the car back in drive and drive us back to Heather and Ryan's and us just go back to bed.  I knew that couldn't happened, but I hoped it would.  The dreaded time finally came.  He had to go.  We exchanged a kiss, some sappy words, and then we both got out of the car.  We hugged harder than we probably ever had before.  He picked me up, took me in his arms, and told me everything would be ok.  He told me we would make it through it and that he would be home as quickly as he could.  I remember in those moments, I wanted to hold him forever.  I didn't want him to put me down, and when he finally did, I couldn't let go of him.  I didn't want to let go of him.  Once I let go, he would leave, and I wouldn't know exactly when I could see him again.  He finally broke free from my grip and told me he had to go.  He didn't have a choice.  I knew that, but I wanted to keep him in my arms and keep him safe.  Once he left, I would lose control, and I wasn't ready for that!  We said one last goodbye and he walked away.  I stood at the car door for a moment and just watched him walk away.  I finally made myself get back in the car, but for the longest time, I couldn't go anywhere.  At this point, I wasn't crying, it was almost like I was frozen.  J was finally out of sight and that was when I lost it.  I just started crying, and when I say crying, I mean full on bluddery crying.  I was to the point I was struggling to breath at points.  I called one of my best friends to talk to calm down.  She finally calmed me down and I forced myself to leave base.  Our friend, Jenny, had offered for me to come by on my way back to Heather and Ryan's just to talk.  I sat there for about an hour and finally willed myself to leave.  I wasn't sure I was ready to go back and go to bed by myself and realize that he was really gone and wasn't coming back. 

But it couldn't just be that easy.  J texted me on the way and told me they had pushed their time back by 18 hours.....18 more hours.  It was so hard to sit there throughout the next hours and know that he was less than 30 minutes from me, yet I couldn't go see him.  But that changed.  That next morning, J called and said that he needed me to bring him lunch.  While I was so excited to see him again, I was dreading having to say that long goodbye again.  We got ready, drove to base, and for one last time, I got to see my husband.  We got to talk for about 30 minutes, but then that dreaded time came again.  I have to say, saying goodbye wasn't quite as hard this time, but I honestly think I was just numb to the whole situation.  He got to keep his phone with him the rest of the day, and we texted every chance we got.  Most didn't say anything more that the normal sappy stuff, but we wanted that to be the last things we got to say to each other!  Around 6 that night, the final texts started coming.  They were loading the plane, they would be taking off soon, and then he would be gone. 

It was the longest days of my life.  I was drained, I was emotionally "out of it."  My husband had finally left.  People kept telling me "Oh, it's really not that hard.....I could do it...." and all I wanted to say to them was "I will gladly let you take my place...."  I can honestly say, this was one of the hardest days of my life.  But looking back, I can say I am also proud of how far we have come and how much stronger I have become!

Reorganizing and Predeployment

So, in my head, I saw this blog going one way.  I figured once I got home, I would settle into life, and everything would be grand.  But nothing is ever as easy as it seems.  Things have been crazy since we got home and the blog constantly get neglected.  I either need to feed Easton or put him down for a nap, I need to do school work, write a paper, do laundry, wash bottles, the list could go on and on, and by the end of the day, I just want to curl up, skype with Josh and then go to bed.  Doesn't leave much time for blogging.  But I realized, I wanted to remember this stuff.  People might not care to read about our "boring" days, but once Josh got home, I wanted to be able to look back and remember exactly what all happened during this challenging time of our lives.  I read somewhere the other day, even when he gets home, a deployment will be with you for the rest of your life.  I feel that this is so true.  No matter what, we are always going to remember this time and have this time with us.  I found this site ( Dear Deployment, I hate you) the other day, and really enjoyed reading it.  It was a very candid look at deployment...the good, the bad, the ugly, and it covered a lot of topics that people don't discuss or tell someone who is preparing for their first deployment.  A lot of stuff on this site has helped me not feel so alone and made me realize a lot of people have these same emotions about deployment that I do.  Then I realized I wanted to get everything about this deployment down.  Right before Josh was leaving, I opted not to write about my feelings going through everything about predeployment because I thought people would just think I was losing it for being so emotional over it.  But then I realized that I wanted to "share" my story and get everything written down....who knows, maybe someone in a similar situation as me will come across this blog and it will help them feel better but if that doesn't happen, I can look back and realize that I can make it through a deployment, I can look back and see how far I have come from the day that Josh left until now. 
So, I wanted to back track just a bit.  I want to restart my story at the very beginning.  I am going to work hard to catch up and get everything as up-to-date as soon as possible.  But here is my deployment story from the very beginning.  

Predeployment

From the very beginning of our time in Gulfport, we knew that a deployment was coming.  September, October, November, December were great.  Friends would ask me how I was "preparing" and I was honest...I was almost in a state of denial.  I didn't want to think about him leaving.  I didn't want to think that I wouldn't see my husband for over half a year....out of sight, out of mind, right?!  It might not have been the best way to start preparing, but I wanted to enjoy every moment that I could and I knew constantly thinking about it would hender me from doing so.  We went home for Christmas, and got tons of new stuff for our apartment (mostly kitchen stuff)  When we got home, we quickly started placing everything into our kitchen and it hit me....we would be packing everything up in less than a month.  I planned on coming back to NC to spend J's deployment with my family and friends around.  Well, we went through a couple weeks and I tried my best to keep the deployment as far from my mind as possible.  The week before the "D" day, things really started to get real.  At first, we were under the impression that Josh would be leaving out on a Wednesday, 10 days away.  We were moving that Saturday, and we had to start packing.  For me, I kept wanting to delay packing as long as possible.  When I finally started packing things, I knew it would be "real" and I wasn't ready for that reality yet.  Well, the date kept changing.  It went from the first, to the seventh, and it was finally announced that they would leave on Sunday.  Talk about a whirlwind couple of days that we would have.....
Well, Friday night, our friends in Gulfport hosted a going away party for us.  This was the first time we had told anyone the day had gotten moved up.  It was the first time I had really said it, too.  My husband was going to be leaving in less than 48 hours and I wouldn't get to see him for over half a year....talk about emotions that were going up and down.  We had a great time Friday night, hung out with all of our friends for what would be our last time.  It really took our minds off of everything.  But the next day, our moving day, loomed.  In trying to avoid packing, we still had a lot to do before people came to help us move out Saturday morning.  We were just going to get up early Saturday morning and get started around 6.  But with anxiety and nerves, I couldn't sleep.  I remember waking up at 2:00am and just starting to pack.  I wanted to do something.  I didn't just want to sit around.  I didn't just want to think about what was coming.  We finally got packed, got everything moved from our apartment into a storage unit, and went to stay with some of our friends Saturday night.
24 hours left together......crazy thoughts.  Saturday night, J spent the early evening packings all his bags and getting everything together.  I went ahead and got Easton to bed and fell asleep myself.  Josh finally came to bed, and I don't remember much, I just remember us fighting.  For both of us, the reality was hitting and nerves and emotions were flying all over the place.  How do you say goodbye to someone you love so much?  We were both dreading the next 24 hours and honestly, being our first deployment, really didn't know what all was to come and what all we would be feeling. 
Sunday morning, we decided we wanted our day to be as normal as possible.  We got up like normal, got up, and went to church.  I was excited to get to go to our church in Gulfport one more time, but I was also dreading it because the fact it was our last time.  We knew people would come up and want to say goodbye and as much as I wanted that, if people were constantly doing that, I knew I would lose it....
Our preacher, Andy, made the announcement that Josh would be leaving that night and to keep our family close in prayer...and I lost it.  Huge tears....it was finally here.  I couldn't hide from it anymore....Our sweet friends and fellow church members continued to come up to us throughout the morning to wish us well and tell us we were loved and would be thought about often.  After church, we went back, put Easton down for a nap, and took naps ourselves.  J and the group were leaving late at night, and we knew we both needed the rest.  Sunday night, we went to dinner with our friends, Chris and Jenny.  We ate and hung out with them every Sunday night, and we wanted to keep things normal.  Josh said tearful goodbyes to them, and we went on our way.  We only had a few short hours left before he would be leaving and I wanted every last second with him that I could.  We went back to the house we were staying at and just sat together.  We didn't really say much, we just sat in each others arms and cuddled.  We watched Easton sleep for a bit and we just wanted to be caught up in the moment.  Many words weren't needed, just to be together was the best feeling in the world.  Then the dreaded time came....10:40pm.....it was finally time to take J to base and say goodbye.....

Coming up:  Saying Goodbye...

Settled

Helloooo from North Carolina!  We finally got all moved and traveled back up to my hometown this weekend.  We will be staying here until Josh is a couple of weeks from coming home.  My parents graciously are letting us stay in their basement.  It's really nice to be surrounded by family and friends while J is gone.  It keeps me and Easton busy and also allows me a couple extra hands when I need to get some things done.  Easton was a trooper this ride back home.  The ride from Gulfport to Pilot is about 12 hours....so being the second time we have done it in about a month, I was a little nervous as to how he would do!

But this ride was one of our best!  We left Mississippi around 1 central time, and East feel asleep as soon as we got in the car!  He took a FOUR hour nap!!  Yes, a FOUR hour nap!!!  He slept through the whole state of Alabama, which allowed us to get a lot of good traveling done!  We made it to the north side of Atlanta Saturday night before stopping and picking back up early Sunday morning!

When we got home Sunday, my family was having a SuperBowl party and Easton and I enjoyed in the festivities for a bit before we both crashed for the night. For Easton, the highlight of his night was getting to see my brother's girlfriend Emma.  Easton LOVES Emma and flirts with her everytime she is around!

Monday was a quiet day for us!  Easton was slightly cranky, mostly contributed to all the changes the past couple weeks, and was wanting to be right by my side all day.  We needed a couple more items here at the house, so Easton and I decided we would brave the cold (well, cold to us since we were used to 70s in Gulfport) and go to Target and Walmart!  We not only were able to get the items that we needed, but we also got Josh items for his first care package!  When we got home, Easton's favorite place quickly became the big window in the basement looking out at our dog.

He would stand on his tiptoes and squeal everytime the dog would bark.  It was so sweet to see him get so excited.  

And it was an experience today, I have to write about our trip to the Post Office this morning.  I took our stuff we got to send to Josh up to the post office with me and Easton.  We get there, I put Easton in his stroller because I knew it would take a little bit to get everything packed and addressed.  Get in the post office (which I have rarely been in the one at home) and look for the pack and ship boxes.  Find them, and see the rates.  A large box, which we would need, would cost us $60.00 for an international shipment.  I was freaking out.  $60.00 on top of everything I had already put inside the box was going to make this care package crazy expensive!!  But worth it, of course!  I get the box tapped, packed, and go to stand in line to pay for the postage. There are about 5 people in line in front of us and Easton starts having a melt down.  Full on screaming and crying, along with arching his back and screaming some more.  Embarrassing!  After giving him anything I could think of to entertain him, I finally decided that he wasn't going to calm down, and I gave in to taking him out of his stroller to calm him down.  So here I am holding an over 20 pound baby, an almost 20 pound box, and pushing a stroller.  I get up there to pay, when they tell me they have military rates...yay!!!  But I would have to fill out a customs form first.  I had never shipped anything internationally, so I had no clue this was necessary.  So, with a screaming baby, I get it filled out, finally get it paid for, and we left.  In one piece, too!!  Thankfully!!  Hopefully, he will enjoy the package for all the trouble!!

Happy Tuesday!  

Life These Days....

Well, it finally came.  Sunday night J left for his deployment.  We knew it was coming, but they moved up the date for security purposes and they headed out about a week before we had planned for him to leave.  The few days leading up to him leaving were CRAZY!!!  Friday night, our sweet friends down here in Gulfport threw us a "going away party."  It was such a fun night and was so light-hearted fun, it made us forget about what the next couple days would hold. 

On Saturday, we moved out of our apartment.  We had decided that we didn't want to try to move after Josh was gone, so the whole day was pretty much a blur!  We got all packed up, moved to our storage unit, and to the house we were staying at by 6:30.  We enjoyed our last few hours before we all crashed for the night and prepare ourselves for what Sunday would hold.  On Sunday, we wanted to go to our church down here one last time and spend the majority of the day like a normal Sunday would have been.  We went to church, enjoyed lunch with our friends, and then went back to nap, and finish up the last minute things that needed to get done.  Josh and them were suppose to meet at midnight and leave out a couple of hours later.  

We hadn't decided if we were going to take Easton or not, but when we got ready to leave Heather and Ryan's, Easton was still up and kicking, so we just brought him along.  I had several friends offer to ride with us to take Josh to base to offer support, love, and comfort, but in the end, I decided that this was something I wanted to do alone.  I wanted to spend his last hour or so with just him and our baby and enjoy each other.  I was truly happy that is the way that I decided to go.  It was such a peace to just sit there together right before he had to leave.  

I cannot tell you how hard it was to let him go that night.  I just wanted to hold him forever and pretend that he didn't have to leave...but in all reality, we both knew he did.  

As left base, one of our friends called me and offered to let me stop by before we went back to go to bed.  I was happy to have gotten that call because it was nice to talk to someone instead of going back and being by myself.  We talked for about 2 hours, when I received a text from J that their departure time had been pushed back about 18 hours.  Great..... He's in the same town as me, less than 10 miles from where I was staying, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't go back and see him.  
Monday was a very hard day for me.  I knew Josh still hadn't left, and I wanted so badly to go back and see him since he was so close, but since they were in lock down, they weren't allowed to have contact with anyone.  At this point, as much as I wanted him to stay, I also was ready for him to go so that we could start settling into our new routine and start putting days down in the deployment.  Luckily, late Monday night, they were able to get out and get going.  I had a small pitty party at the fact that he was really gone, but soon looked forward to getting to see him via skype and talk to him and get on somewhat of a normal schedule.  
I was thrilled early Tuesday morning to get an email from him saying that they had made it about halfway  and had to stop for fuel.  I really had never been so excited for an email!!!  
Tuesday was a much calmer day.  The emotions weren't as raw, Easton and I were slowly adapting into just the two of us, and hopefully soon, Josh would be settled and be able to call.  
And on Tuesday night, my wish was finally granted!!!  He had gotten settled and was finally able to call.  We only got to talk about 25 minutes or so, but let me tell you, they were the best 25 minutes we had ever had on the phone!!  It was so wonderful to hear from him and know that he could finally call.  We still have several transitions to make before we are finally settled where we will be staying while Josh is gone.  We will leave Gulfport Saturday (the flight was already booked before we knew exactly when Josh would be leaving) and we will hopefully arrive back in North Carolina early Sunday afternoon.  Easton and I are both looking forward to getting settled, getting busy and letting time pass quickly.  
But in the midst of everything going on, Easton and I have still been able to have plenty of fun!!!

Easton enjoying breakfast Tuesday morning.  

Easton trying a bite of a real banana for the first time....wasn't sure what to think of it

Happy Wednesday, Everyone!!!

Enjoying Each Moment

Days continue to go quickly as we await J's deployment.  I want to take in moments from each and every day, but with so much to do, and such little time to do it, it keeps getting harder.  Right now, we are moving on Saturday, and I have nothing packed and a TON of laundry to do before then.  Add that to the fact that my child will not sleep right now and wants to be attached to my hip all day, and it is one stressful environment!

Even though we have so much going on and so much to do, we are enjoying everything that we can as a family!

Easton has loved getting to play in the bath with Daddy

Since Josh is going to be gone for all three of our birthdays, we decided we were going to have a joint birthday party for the three of us.  Of course, no birthday was complete without a birthday cake!

We have enjoyed our last few Sundays with our Church Family down here in Gulfport

Daddy has enjoyed dressing up his favorite "cowboy"

As each day passes, I know we are getting closer to telling Daddy goodbye, but these sweet memories will hold us until he gets home!  Well, off to tackle my laundry mountain that I've put off as long as I can! 

SUYL: Military Families

Good Morning!! Today, I am linking up with Kelly.  Today, her "Show Us Your Life Series" focuses on Military Families.  I have been meaning to update the blog more often, but with minimal time left with my husband before he deploys, I figured spending time with him and our family was more important than updating the blog.  But trust me, the blog activity is getting ready to take off!  Once he leaves, expect many more updates!!

I am a military wife.  I am actually still really new with this title.  I have been a military wife for going on two years now.  My husband is a SeaBee in the Navy and we are stationed at CBC Gulfport.  A SeaBee isn't a typical Navy member.  A SeaBee will rarely be stationed on a ship, but rather does construction on the ground, and also provides ground support.  We have been here for almost 6 months, and while the transitional period down here was hard, this place has really been growing on me.  I am actually sad to be leaving here in less than a month!  While my husband is deployed, we are going to spend his deployment back in my hometown to be around family.  Down here the closest family is about 12 hours away!

Military Wife Questionaire

1. How did you and your spouse meet?

We met on New Years Eve 2009.  Me and my best friend, Kait, went to visit a friend from high school that was in the Navy.  When we got to Morgan's house, he had brought some Navy friends in.  We hung out all night, then went ice skating two days later, and have been together ever since. 

2. How old were you when you two met?

I was 19 and he was 18 (yes, I am older...but only by 5 months!)

3. How long have you two been together?



We have been together for two years this past New Years Eve. 

4. Where are you and your spouse originally from?
I am from Pilot Mountain, North Carolina and my husband is from Kentucky

5. How did you feel about him joining the military?
Josh was already in the military when we met, so I had to be ok with it haha.  I knew what I  was getting myself into, I guess you could say.  Even though I thought I knew what was coming, it has still be really hard. 

6. Where did your spouse go to basic training?
Great Lakes, Illinois

7. Has your spouse ever been deployed?
No.  He is actually getting ready for his first deployment very soon....

8. How long have you been a military wife?
I have been a military wife for almost 20 months (we were married in May 2010) so I'm still relatively new at all this stuff :)

9. Did you marry him before or after he joined?
I married him after

10. How did your husband propose?
So, I give my husband a hard time about this all the time!!  He isn't a very good planner, so we were just talking about our future, and he started talking about our future and said "I want to be with you for the rest of our life, will you marry me?"  Short, sweet, and to the point :)

11. How old were you two when you got married?
I was 20 and J was 19. 

12. Did he wear his uniform on your wedding day?
Yes!  So, so glad he did!

13. Where are you and your spouse currently stationed?
We are currently living in Gulfport, MS and my husband works off of CBC Gulfport

14. Do you live on base?
We do not live on base

15. How long were you married before you had to go through your first seperation?
This will be our first deployment and long seperation, very anxious and nervous about what all is to come in the next several months!

16. Do you think your spouse looks good in uniform?
Of course!  I think most military wives do :)

17. Do you think military life is more advanced that civilian life?
I don't know if I would say that it is more advanced, but I would definitely say it is very different.  There are struggles that a normal civilian wouldn't have to deal with

18. Do you like the benefits that you receive as a military dependent?
I do.  The healthcare/Insurance benefits are the best!

19. What is the hardest part of military life?
There are several hard aspects to military life.  First, I am a planner and like to have control of situations, and with the military I am not able to plan things in advance or have control of any situations.  Things can change so quickly, and the hours can vary.  I am also looking to experience more hardships when Josh gets deployed.

20.  Do you support your spouse as a member of the military?
Of course!  With everything that is happening right now with J's deployment, if I didn't support him, things would be extremely difficult!

Thanks for stopping by, and to all the military spouses and military members, thank you so much for your service and all the you give! 

And, just for cuteness, here are some pictures of my men :)