Sunday, Randomness, and the Countdown Begins

Well, another week has begun!  Yesterday was a typical Sunday at our house!  We tried to go to church.  Yes, we TIRED.  Our church here only has one service which starts at 10:00am.  In a normal day, Easton naps from 10-12.  So on Sundays, I try and let him sleep a little bit later in hopes that he could make it until about 11:30 before he is ready for a nap.  The past two Sundays, we have gotten to church and by 10:30, we have had to leave because Easton is in full meltdown mode wanting his nap!  But, coming home early, did give us one advantage....I got to skype with Josh! 

There is no greater feeling than to get to skype with Josh.  Just getting to talk to him, see him, and know he is safe is wonderful!  While Skype has been AMAZING throughout his deployment, we both agreed that after he got home, we didn't really want to use skype for a couple months.

Yesterday, I also spent time working on some more baby shower crafts.  I am one of these people who can decorate/design things very well, but when it comes to actually making them, let's just say....I am HORRIBLE.  I can have great visions, but I suck when it comes to the actual craft part of it.  So, while planning SaraBeth's baby shower, I had a vision of what I wanted it to look like.  Luckily most parts are coming along nicely. 

We are making a banner with her initials "KTB" for the present table.  We decided to use the colors for their room, a light green, with accents of pink, so that any of the decorations from the shower could be used in the nursery. 



We are also using wall letters to be the center of the food table.  We are getting a couple pink flowers to put behind the letters, and will then put the food around it. 

In between painting letters and tracing and cutting, Easton and I had plenty of fun together. 

In the past couple weeks, he seems as if he has grown up so much!  I think back and he was eight months old when Josh left, and when Josh comes home, he will be pushing 16 months.  I know they are going to have so much fun playing when he gets home.  I can't tell you who I think is more excited!
Easton has always been so active that I rarely ever get the chance to cuddle him anymore, but yesterday, after he woke up from his nap, he just sat in my lap and laid for a couple minutes. 

Had to mark the rare occasion with some pictures!

Finally, this weekend Easton and I finally made Josh's countdown chain.  I do so bad with countdowns.  Especially when they are long!  I had been holding out on doing a countdown for a while, but after we crossed a milestone last week, I finally decided we would make ours. 

(I wish I could say this is how many days Josh was from home, but sadly it is not...this was about halfway or so through making it.  But at least it is getting closer everday :)!!!)

I am really bad at getting so focused on the end and where we are going that I don't enjoy the journey there.  I was telling Josh that I have been so focused on him getting home that I feel like I don't enjoy the day-to-day stuff we have going on here, so in connection with our countdown, I decided to do something different with it.  Instead of simply pulling off the link for that day and throwing it away, we are going to be saving it and writing some of our memories or something special that happened that day. This way, we take time to enjoy life right now, while also counting down until Josh is home!  Well, I'm done rambling for the day.  I've got laundry to get caught up on, a marketing project that needs some attention, and a baby that refuses to nap!  Happy MONDAY :)

Sunday Social

Happy Sunday, Y'all!  Today, I am linking up with Ashley on their Sunday Socail Post! 

So, here are my answers to this weeks questions!

1. How did you come up with your blog name?
My blog name was pretty simple to come up with.  Being a Navy Wife, life is constantly changing.  Whether dealing with a deployment, long work hours, field training, the list could go on and on, life is never the from one day to another.  Add on to the fact that I have an extremely active 13 month old, and life is NEVER boring at our house!

2. What is your favorite thing about blogging?
Overall, I think my favorite thing is just the ability that it gives me to "journal" our life right now.  There is so much going on, that I want to get everything documented, but some days it is just hard to sit down and write it all down.  I tried to scrapbook for a while, but for me, that just showed the bigger events, and blogging allows me to capture the "everday" of our lives.

3. What is one thing you have discovered because of blogging and now cannot live without?
I have discovered multiple "sale" sites such as Tosty, Zulily, etc.  I had never heard of sites like that before, but after seeing multiple people blog about them and the deals they were receiving, I couldn't help but check them out, and now, I love looking and shopping on them daily!

4. Facebook or Twitter?  And why?
I am kind of split on this one.  I am still fairly new to Twitter, so I am still discovering things about it, but I really like Twitter.  However, my husband is not on the Twitter bandwagon, so for picture purposes, I like Facebook.  While using the computer in the MWR during deployment, they are not allowed to download pictures, so the best way to get Josh picture of Easton is via Facebook, so that wins for that reason :)

5. If one celebrity read your blog, who would you want it to be?
Jessica Alba.  Love her :)

6. What is something you want people to know about your blog?
My blog is extremely real and 100% me!  Right now, there are times when I have good days and days when I am just down and missing my husband.  I don't try and be one person via a blog and another person in real life.  Like my "Rant" post last night, I lay thing out pretty straight forward, but when I look back, I enjoy remembering how far I have come, how much stronger I have become, and soon, cannot wait to blog about how wonderful life is when Josh back home :)

Rant

Happy Saturday, Y'all!  Saturdays for us are really no different than any other day of the week right now.  Josh isn't home to be off with us on the weekend, my family may or may not be in town due to my brother's basketball and baseball schedules, and I have homework/classwork no matter what day of the week it is, so we really had a pretty quiet day. 
I apologize for the following post, but there are just somethings I need to vent about, and what better place to do it then here :) 
We ran out to get gas tonight, and while out, I ran into a person who knew me and knew that Josh was gone.  She proceeded to ask me how everything was going (which was normal), asked me how long Josh had been gone, and then asked how much longer he had left.  (It should be noted we are well over halfway done at this point.  Not to give out too much sensitive information, but we are over 60% done...so a good chunk is out of the way!)  When I told her how much longer, she responded, "Oh lord, I don't know how you will make it that much longer, I would die...."  I really wasn't sure how to respond.  Trying to think on my toes, I quickly just told her that after how long we have already gone with J gone, this would seem like nothing.  But her comment got me thinking how many random comments I get on a weekly basis about Josh's deployment. 
Just to highlight a few:

I constantly get asked if I enjoy Josh being gone.

This truly was one question I never really thought I would get.  Now, people who know me, know I am a whitty and very sarcastic person.  Whenever I have gotten this comment, I fight the urge to simply say, "Oh yes, I love being by myself all the time, being a single parent, going to bed by myself, the list could go on and on..." 

Another comment I get frequently is that once Josh gets home, after about a month, I will be ready to send him back. 

First of all, this is never something I wanted to do.  Even when Josh and I will have our moments where little things annoy us, I would never, EVER imagine wanting to send him back.  I can completely understand that once he gets home, we will go through a sort of "honeymoon" phase and shortly there after, things will calm down and settle into our normal.  But until you have to deal with an actual deployment, you can never imagine how hard it is.  There's not a day that I don't go by that I don't worry about him.  Anytime I hear any news coming out of Afghanistan, my heart drops.  This is something that I would NEVER want to go through again....now, that's not saying that after he has been home a couple months, we might not need a couple days apart every now and then, but never another deployment. 

My least favorite comment I have gotten is, "Oh, well you knew what you were signing up for...you should have known what to expect from marrying a military guy..."

Yes, when Josh and I met, he was already in the military, and yes, I knew the likelihood of him deploying was there.  But never, until you have been there, do you know what to expect from a deployment.  Everyone has different experiences.  Everyone deals with deployments in different ways.  I had no clue what to expect.  Those first days, I just remember crying and crying over every little thing.  No one can explain how much you will miss them.  Preparing for a deployment, you can think you know what is coming, but until they actually leave, until you have settled into a new normal, you could never understand how much it hurts.  Each day gets a little bit easier, but yet, each day still has its struggles.  No one can explain the worry, the fear, the hurt that you will experience over the months that they are gone. 

Sorry, don't mean to overload, or seem overly sensitive, but a deployment is hard.  I understand that people do try and be empathetic, but sometimes, people just don't think before they speak.  I saw a thing on pinterest that I felt like could describe all spouses with a deployed spouse, and it said, beware...wife going through deployment, approach with caution, and today, I have truly felt like that was me :)

The Trick is to Keep Breathing

Some days, I feel as if I rarely have time to catch my breath around here.  If it isn't dealing with school work, it is Easton, or Josh needs something to be mailed out asap so that he can get it...like any parent, I feel like I never have the opportunity to just sit back and catch my breath.  Easton is going through spells where he doesn't want to sleep, so we have some days he just "plays in his crib" during nap time.  It WILL get better, it WILL get better (I keep telling myself this in order to convince myself that it will!)
On the deployment front, we have crossed another milestone.  Actually several since the last time I blogged.  I can officially say that we have made it "OVER THE HUMP," or in common terms, we are over halfway done with this deployment!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  While I can't say exactly how much longer he has, each day is one day closer to him being home, and I am sooooooo ready!!! 
As if celebrating a halfway point in the deployment wasn't exciting enough, the halfway point also fell on mine and Josh's TWO year anniversary!  I cannot believe we have already been married two years, but looking back, I cannot believe how much has happened in those two years...a baby, a move to Mississippi, together 5 months, a deployment, a move back to NC for the deployment, and soon, we will be packing up again!  We cannot wait for J to get home and just have a calm couple months (if that's possible!)
I have started summer classes, so for 8 weeks, they will consume my life again, but after next semester, I will be DONE!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Easton is as wide open as ever!  He has been walking for over two months now, and he thinks he is big stuff. 

He is a complete ham, and he knows it, too!  He loves any and every bit of attention he can get!  

E LOVES basketball, which is good considering our family is a sports-oriented family!  He loves to watch his Uncle Scott shoot basketball outside, and if S leaves the ball on the ground for a second, you better believe that East runs over and picks it up and tries to shoot it on the big goal. 

Easton also LOVES skyping with Josh.  As soon as he sees that the computer is open, he runs up to it yelling "Dada, Dada, Dada," so I know one little boy who will be so excited when "Dada" is finally here in person! 
With the WARM weather that we have been having, we have taken full advantage of our pool on the deck!  East loves to play and splash in it, and it is a great way to burn off some energy! 

In between everything else going on, me and a dear friend, Kelly, are planning a baby shower for our friend, Sara Beth.  Sara Beth is due with her second little girl at the beginning of August.  (We are betting she won't make it past mid-July, however)!  Her first little girl, Kayson, will be TWO in August, so this shower is a simple "sprinkle/diaper shower," but we still wanted to make it festive, cute, and oh so girly!  I can't wait to share pictures of some of our stuff coming together.  Having a little boy, it is so nice to see some pink every now and then!

Epic Failure

Yes, my blogging efforts have been failing horribly.  I seriously have all intentions to sit down and write, when something comes up, be in school work and tons of papers, Easton needing something, skyping with J, and multiple other things, blogging just takes a back seat.  I am two pages away from finishing my last paper of the semester, so I am hoping by tomorrow I will be done and thus can contribute a small portion of nap time to blogging.  But let's catch up on the last several weeks, shall we? 
We have now got three months down in the books, YAY!!  Time is actually starting to go by...finally, now, our next big milestone will be our halfway mark! 
Looking back, April seems to be a blur.  April, we celebrated Easton's first Easter!  It was a great day spent with family and most importantly remembering the true meaning of the holiday.  That morning we went to church before heading up to see both sets of my grandparents.  It was the first time any family (other than my parents and brother) had seen Easton walk, so of course he was the CENTER of attention!  He's a ham, so he loved it that way :) 
April brought a lot of first for us.  Easter was our first big holiday we celebrated without Josh.  It's hard, I don't think I will ever enjoy a holiday that he isn't here for.  Luckily, as time is ticking down, we have fewer holidays and events that he will be missing.  This next two week period is one I have been dreading the whole deployment.  Saturday, we will be celebrating Easton's first birthday, Sunday, we will be celebrating Mother's Day, and the following Friday, will be mine and Josh's two year anniversary.  Let's just say....there have been plenty of tears.
But, instead of focusing on the negatives, let's focus on the positives that have come from this deployment.
Well, first and foremost, we have been able to save a TON of money!  Deployment pay is AMAZING....granted, they earn every penny with what they have to deal with over there, but still, we are so happy to have such a wonderful opportunity to save while he is gone.  While we are planning on keeping the majority of it in savings, I told J that since he will have worked so hard to earn it, that he deserved to take some and spend it anyway he wanted.....needless to say, he wanted to spend it on getting us a new KING size bed so he isn't getting pushed to the edge every night!  (a small vacation might be in the works, too :)....)
We have also been able to talk a lot more than expected!  This is one I am so thankful for.  One, it has helped to keep me sane!  Josh is not only my husband, but he is my best friend and we talk about everything....I was dreading him going because there is not really anyone else I open up to like him.  There has not been a period of more than 48 hours that we haven't been able to talk.  It is also great because it lets me know he is safe, too!
Well, Easton's asleep (thankfully, considering he got up at 4 this morning) so I think I'm going to go curl up in bed and indulge in some Netflix and talk to my sweet husband.  But I AM going to get back to blogging, I promise!  Better updates, with pictures, to come :)  Have a wonderful night, everyone!

Saying Goodbye

J and East the night he left

Saying goodbye is never easy.  Whether it is for a night, a week, a month, a year...goodbyes are all the same, and in my eyes, they're never fun or ever easy.  This past October, J and his battalion conducted their field exercises in preparation for this deployment.  They were scheduled to be gone 2-3 plus weeks depending on how quickly they passed all their "tests" out there.  I remember taking him to base that Sunday morning at 3am and crying the whole way home because I didn't want him to be gone 2-3 weeks!!  Luckily he was only gone 13 days, but when he got home, you would have thought he had been gone an entire deployment! 

When we were preparing for this deployment, I really didn't know how this particular night was going to go.  A couple of our close friends in Gulfport offered to go with us, more or less to offer support for me.  They offered to drive me back after J left and just be there and provide a shoulder for me to cry on.  I debated their offers and while I thought at times I might need that and want that there, I decided that this was something I needed to do by myself.  When we took Josh to base to drop him off, it needed to be just me, Josh, and Easton.  As hard as it was, that was the right decision.

This is a night I remember like it was yesterday.  We left Heather and Ryan's house around 10:40, as J was required to be at base around midnight.  Heather and Ryan lived about 30 minutes from base, and we wanted to allot enough time for J to get his stuff (all 20,000 bags they had to take) unpacked and loaded onto the trucks and then some time for us to say goodbye.  The drive to base seemed like it toke forever.  It was such a strange feeling.  Time seemed to be going so slow and so fast at the same time.  Easton screamed the almost the whole way which probably made it seem even longer.  Luckily, he finally gave out, and the rest of the ride, Josh and I simply held hands.  We didn't speak much.  We just sat there.  We finally made it to base, he got all of his bags out of the car, tagged and loaded on the truck and came back to the car.  Luckily, we got about 15 minutes together before he would finally have to leave.  I don't remember much of what we said in those 15 minutes.  I remember a lot of "I love yous," "I'll miss you more than you'll ever knows," and "Stay safes" were exchanged, but those 15 minutes were the fastest in my life.  I wanted them to last forever.  I wanted him to just put the car back in drive and drive us back to Heather and Ryan's and us just go back to bed.  I knew that couldn't happened, but I hoped it would.  The dreaded time finally came.  He had to go.  We exchanged a kiss, some sappy words, and then we both got out of the car.  We hugged harder than we probably ever had before.  He picked me up, took me in his arms, and told me everything would be ok.  He told me we would make it through it and that he would be home as quickly as he could.  I remember in those moments, I wanted to hold him forever.  I didn't want him to put me down, and when he finally did, I couldn't let go of him.  I didn't want to let go of him.  Once I let go, he would leave, and I wouldn't know exactly when I could see him again.  He finally broke free from my grip and told me he had to go.  He didn't have a choice.  I knew that, but I wanted to keep him in my arms and keep him safe.  Once he left, I would lose control, and I wasn't ready for that!  We said one last goodbye and he walked away.  I stood at the car door for a moment and just watched him walk away.  I finally made myself get back in the car, but for the longest time, I couldn't go anywhere.  At this point, I wasn't crying, it was almost like I was frozen.  J was finally out of sight and that was when I lost it.  I just started crying, and when I say crying, I mean full on bluddery crying.  I was to the point I was struggling to breath at points.  I called one of my best friends to talk to calm down.  She finally calmed me down and I forced myself to leave base.  Our friend, Jenny, had offered for me to come by on my way back to Heather and Ryan's just to talk.  I sat there for about an hour and finally willed myself to leave.  I wasn't sure I was ready to go back and go to bed by myself and realize that he was really gone and wasn't coming back. 

But it couldn't just be that easy.  J texted me on the way and told me they had pushed their time back by 18 hours.....18 more hours.  It was so hard to sit there throughout the next hours and know that he was less than 30 minutes from me, yet I couldn't go see him.  But that changed.  That next morning, J called and said that he needed me to bring him lunch.  While I was so excited to see him again, I was dreading having to say that long goodbye again.  We got ready, drove to base, and for one last time, I got to see my husband.  We got to talk for about 30 minutes, but then that dreaded time came again.  I have to say, saying goodbye wasn't quite as hard this time, but I honestly think I was just numb to the whole situation.  He got to keep his phone with him the rest of the day, and we texted every chance we got.  Most didn't say anything more that the normal sappy stuff, but we wanted that to be the last things we got to say to each other!  Around 6 that night, the final texts started coming.  They were loading the plane, they would be taking off soon, and then he would be gone. 

It was the longest days of my life.  I was drained, I was emotionally "out of it."  My husband had finally left.  People kept telling me "Oh, it's really not that hard.....I could do it...." and all I wanted to say to them was "I will gladly let you take my place...."  I can honestly say, this was one of the hardest days of my life.  But looking back, I can say I am also proud of how far we have come and how much stronger I have become!

Reorganizing and Predeployment

So, in my head, I saw this blog going one way.  I figured once I got home, I would settle into life, and everything would be grand.  But nothing is ever as easy as it seems.  Things have been crazy since we got home and the blog constantly get neglected.  I either need to feed Easton or put him down for a nap, I need to do school work, write a paper, do laundry, wash bottles, the list could go on and on, and by the end of the day, I just want to curl up, skype with Josh and then go to bed.  Doesn't leave much time for blogging.  But I realized, I wanted to remember this stuff.  People might not care to read about our "boring" days, but once Josh got home, I wanted to be able to look back and remember exactly what all happened during this challenging time of our lives.  I read somewhere the other day, even when he gets home, a deployment will be with you for the rest of your life.  I feel that this is so true.  No matter what, we are always going to remember this time and have this time with us.  I found this site ( Dear Deployment, I hate you) the other day, and really enjoyed reading it.  It was a very candid look at deployment...the good, the bad, the ugly, and it covered a lot of topics that people don't discuss or tell someone who is preparing for their first deployment.  A lot of stuff on this site has helped me not feel so alone and made me realize a lot of people have these same emotions about deployment that I do.  Then I realized I wanted to get everything about this deployment down.  Right before Josh was leaving, I opted not to write about my feelings going through everything about predeployment because I thought people would just think I was losing it for being so emotional over it.  But then I realized that I wanted to "share" my story and get everything written down....who knows, maybe someone in a similar situation as me will come across this blog and it will help them feel better but if that doesn't happen, I can look back and realize that I can make it through a deployment, I can look back and see how far I have come from the day that Josh left until now. 
So, I wanted to back track just a bit.  I want to restart my story at the very beginning.  I am going to work hard to catch up and get everything as up-to-date as soon as possible.  But here is my deployment story from the very beginning.  

Predeployment

From the very beginning of our time in Gulfport, we knew that a deployment was coming.  September, October, November, December were great.  Friends would ask me how I was "preparing" and I was honest...I was almost in a state of denial.  I didn't want to think about him leaving.  I didn't want to think that I wouldn't see my husband for over half a year....out of sight, out of mind, right?!  It might not have been the best way to start preparing, but I wanted to enjoy every moment that I could and I knew constantly thinking about it would hender me from doing so.  We went home for Christmas, and got tons of new stuff for our apartment (mostly kitchen stuff)  When we got home, we quickly started placing everything into our kitchen and it hit me....we would be packing everything up in less than a month.  I planned on coming back to NC to spend J's deployment with my family and friends around.  Well, we went through a couple weeks and I tried my best to keep the deployment as far from my mind as possible.  The week before the "D" day, things really started to get real.  At first, we were under the impression that Josh would be leaving out on a Wednesday, 10 days away.  We were moving that Saturday, and we had to start packing.  For me, I kept wanting to delay packing as long as possible.  When I finally started packing things, I knew it would be "real" and I wasn't ready for that reality yet.  Well, the date kept changing.  It went from the first, to the seventh, and it was finally announced that they would leave on Sunday.  Talk about a whirlwind couple of days that we would have.....
Well, Friday night, our friends in Gulfport hosted a going away party for us.  This was the first time we had told anyone the day had gotten moved up.  It was the first time I had really said it, too.  My husband was going to be leaving in less than 48 hours and I wouldn't get to see him for over half a year....talk about emotions that were going up and down.  We had a great time Friday night, hung out with all of our friends for what would be our last time.  It really took our minds off of everything.  But the next day, our moving day, loomed.  In trying to avoid packing, we still had a lot to do before people came to help us move out Saturday morning.  We were just going to get up early Saturday morning and get started around 6.  But with anxiety and nerves, I couldn't sleep.  I remember waking up at 2:00am and just starting to pack.  I wanted to do something.  I didn't just want to sit around.  I didn't just want to think about what was coming.  We finally got packed, got everything moved from our apartment into a storage unit, and went to stay with some of our friends Saturday night.
24 hours left together......crazy thoughts.  Saturday night, J spent the early evening packings all his bags and getting everything together.  I went ahead and got Easton to bed and fell asleep myself.  Josh finally came to bed, and I don't remember much, I just remember us fighting.  For both of us, the reality was hitting and nerves and emotions were flying all over the place.  How do you say goodbye to someone you love so much?  We were both dreading the next 24 hours and honestly, being our first deployment, really didn't know what all was to come and what all we would be feeling. 
Sunday morning, we decided we wanted our day to be as normal as possible.  We got up like normal, got up, and went to church.  I was excited to get to go to our church in Gulfport one more time, but I was also dreading it because the fact it was our last time.  We knew people would come up and want to say goodbye and as much as I wanted that, if people were constantly doing that, I knew I would lose it....
Our preacher, Andy, made the announcement that Josh would be leaving that night and to keep our family close in prayer...and I lost it.  Huge tears....it was finally here.  I couldn't hide from it anymore....Our sweet friends and fellow church members continued to come up to us throughout the morning to wish us well and tell us we were loved and would be thought about often.  After church, we went back, put Easton down for a nap, and took naps ourselves.  J and the group were leaving late at night, and we knew we both needed the rest.  Sunday night, we went to dinner with our friends, Chris and Jenny.  We ate and hung out with them every Sunday night, and we wanted to keep things normal.  Josh said tearful goodbyes to them, and we went on our way.  We only had a few short hours left before he would be leaving and I wanted every last second with him that I could.  We went back to the house we were staying at and just sat together.  We didn't really say much, we just sat in each others arms and cuddled.  We watched Easton sleep for a bit and we just wanted to be caught up in the moment.  Many words weren't needed, just to be together was the best feeling in the world.  Then the dreaded time came....10:40pm.....it was finally time to take J to base and say goodbye.....

Coming up:  Saying Goodbye...