Saturday, June 9, 2012


Happy Saturday, Y'all!  Saturdays for us are really no different than any other day of the week right now.  Josh isn't home to be off with us on the weekend, my family may or may not be in town due to my brother's basketball and baseball schedules, and I have homework/classwork no matter what day of the week it is, so we really had a pretty quiet day. 
I apologize for the following post, but there are just somethings I need to vent about, and what better place to do it then here :) 
We ran out to get gas tonight, and while out, I ran into a person who knew me and knew that Josh was gone.  She proceeded to ask me how everything was going (which was normal), asked me how long Josh had been gone, and then asked how much longer he had left.  (It should be noted we are well over halfway done at this point.  Not to give out too much sensitive information, but we are over 60% a good chunk is out of the way!)  When I told her how much longer, she responded, "Oh lord, I don't know how you will make it that much longer, I would die...."  I really wasn't sure how to respond.  Trying to think on my toes, I quickly just told her that after how long we have already gone with J gone, this would seem like nothing.  But her comment got me thinking how many random comments I get on a weekly basis about Josh's deployment. 
Just to highlight a few:
I constantly get asked if I enjoy Josh being gone.
This truly was one question I never really thought I would get.  Now, people who know me, know I am a whitty and very sarcastic person.  Whenever I have gotten this comment, I fight the urge to simply say, "Oh yes, I love being by myself all the time, being a single parent, going to bed by myself, the list could go on and on..." 

Another comment I get frequently is that once Josh gets home, after about a month, I will be ready to send him back. 
First of all, this is never something I wanted to do.  Even when Josh and I will have our moments where little things annoy us, I would never, EVER imagine wanting to send him back.  I can completely understand that once he gets home, we will go through a sort of "honeymoon" phase and shortly there after, things will calm down and settle into our normal.  But until you have to deal with an actual deployment, you can never imagine how hard it is.  There's not a day that I don't go by that I don't worry about him.  Anytime I hear any news coming out of Afghanistan, my heart drops.  This is something that I would NEVER want to go through, that's not saying that after he has been home a couple months, we might not need a couple days apart every now and then, but never another deployment. 

My least favorite comment I have gotten is, "Oh, well you knew what you were signing up should have known what to expect from marrying a military guy..."
Yes, when Josh and I met, he was already in the military, and yes, I knew the likelihood of him deploying was there.  But never, until you have been there, do you know what to expect from a deployment.  Everyone has different experiences.  Everyone deals with deployments in different ways.  I had no clue what to expect.  Those first days, I just remember crying and crying over every little thing.  No one can explain how much you will miss them.  Preparing for a deployment, you can think you know what is coming, but until they actually leave, until you have settled into a new normal, you could never understand how much it hurts.  Each day gets a little bit easier, but yet, each day still has its struggles.  No one can explain the worry, the fear, the hurt that you will experience over the months that they are gone. 

Sorry, don't mean to overload, or seem overly sensitive, but a deployment is hard.  I understand that people do try and be empathetic, but sometimes, people just don't think before they speak.  I saw a thing on pinterest that I felt like could describe all spouses with a deployed spouse, and it said, beware...wife going through deployment, approach with caution, and today, I have truly felt like that was me :)

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